Once again I’m at Borders and Jose’s book is in front of me. I’m surprised to see that it’s not more than 30% off yet. Unless the books are flying off the shelves then it looks as if the same quantity is available as was before. I wonder how book sales are doing for Canseco? I heard he’s coming to San Francisco during his book tour. Needless to say, I doubt the line will even go around the table he’s sitting at.

As I continue to paraphrase the good stuff from his book, I give you the section about Magglio Ordonez.

Maggs became a friend. He approached me and was up-front about what he wanted, and what he wanted was for me to tell him everything I knew about steroids. He wasn’t one of those guys who said, “Skip the details, just jab that needle in my ass and make me strong.” No, he was a smart guy who was going to base his final decision on solid information. He wanted all the details. Pros, cons, side effects- everything. And I took my time. I answered every question.

Maggs: How much you spending on that s..t a month?

Jose: Oh, I dont know, varies. Maybe 8-10k.

Maggs: And you get it from a good guy?

Jose: Different guys. But don’t pay with personal checks.

Maggs: That makes sense.

Jose: Then your balls disappear.

Maggs: What?!

Jose: Well, they don’t disappear exactly, but they definitely get smaller.

Maggs: I don’t know if I like that.

Jose: Your d..k stays the same.

Maggs: Oh, that’s good.

Jose: You’ve got to watch your diet, though. Some guys think you can eat crap if you do steroids and you’ll develop muscle, but that’s only partly true. Your should eat healthy and exercise more than ever.

Maggs: Ok. What about going crazy? I hear some guys go crazy.

Jose: Do I look crazy?

Maggs: A little.

Jose: I’m telling you, you’re going to be fine. Steroids are the future. One day, everyone will be on them. They’ll be like part of our morning routine.

Maggs: I have one more question. Am I going to get too big?

Jose: No. Everyone asks that question.

When it was all said and done, when Maggs had the information he needed, he told me he was in. A few days later, we went into a back room in the clubhouse and I jabbed a needle into his butt.

Maggs: Ow, that hurt.

Jose: You’ll get used to it. Don’t expect anything to happen for 4-6 weeks.

-bB