I tell you what… I’m as excited as the first day of spring in college when many lovely ladies were spread eagle in their bikinis sprawled out on the common lawn area reading their Philosophy books. Well, everything except for the boner but definitely the high blood pressure and the excruciating anguish of anticipation.
It’s the Quarterfinals of the UEFA Champions League my friends.
What’s on the menu, you ask?
Well, first, for appetizer, we have a lovely fixture of Schalke 04 against FC Barcelona that should overwhelm your tastebuds for attractive Dutch total football a la Frank Rijkaard. Schalke so far has crept into the quarterfinals quietly, after having beat Rosenborg twice in the groups and evening out against subpar Valencia and losing once and tying against group leaders Chelsea. Schalke’s only convincing win was against talented showboats Porto that went into a penalty shootout. FC Barca, without having lost a single game in the competition so far, has taken pivotal points against Stuttgart, Lyon, and the weaker Rangers in the groups and continued to knockout the Rangers’ sworn religious enemy, Celtic FC in the first knockout round. With the competition’s topscorer Leo Messi out for Barca, Schalke’s defense could have an easier time defending against the Catalan-Dutch attacking machine, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that Barca’s bench is full of stale potatoes as Gio and Bojan offer a delectable substitute for Messi.
For salad and soup, we have an ambrosial mixture of rough and tough consistency versus palate-pleasing finesse and velocity. AS Roma squares off against Manchester United in a action-packed, highly charged dramatic match-up that continues where we left off last season when Man Utd mopped up Roma 7-1 at home like Ike beat Tina. The two teams met each other in the groups where Man Utd won 1-0 at home and taking the 1-1 at Stadio Olimpico. Although I think that Roma had the stronger challenge in the first knockout round against Real Madrid, Man Utd beating Lyon ain’t easy either. Salad and soup is supposed to charge you, get you emotionally hungry, wind and grind your appetite. Expect this one to leave you drained, but hungry for more.
Our main entreé comes from our most famous English chef from parents born in London and Liverpool. A spicy, heart-throbbing blend of Liverpool run-and-gun served with an exquisite finesse and stylistic presentation of Arsenal will tingle all your tastebuds and leave your appetite suppressed, and what not many meals can do, leave you emotional. Both teams having beat Italian powerhouses in the first knockout round, AC Milan and Inter Milan, have shown the world that English cooking is of the highest unparalleled pedigree. Expect a fast-paced delivery and a sizzling display of what we all desire in a healthy stomach churning meal.
And lastly, for dessert, we have a tantalizing sweet confection of raw 11-man attacking football as offered by Fenerbahce and the pseudo-attacking sweetness of Chelsea FC. Fenerbahce has undoubtedly produced the most attractive attacking-style football as marshaled by Brazilian midfielder Alex while Chelsea gets its goals by the midfield flood. This fixture will leave you happy and satisfied but painfully counting your calories.
Enjoy your viewing experience. Remember that your dog and wife are there to make your life better and not be used as kick-boxing dummies.
